on ham

The search for an advent calendar caught me off guard. It was as though yesterday afternoon I was suddenly struck with the fact that it was December 1 and for the majority of my life on December 1, I opened an advent calendar and ate a piece of chocolate before breakfast. Grammie had always, always gotten the grandchildren advent calendars and I want Carter to have them too. I want him to have the tradition I did.

Except I didn't plan ahead and the residents of Kansas City evidently do not care to have advent calendars in forms other than the No Chocolate! ones at Barnes and Noble or the big wooden ones with little doors to open at Target or the ones where you simply move a marker from one day to the next at Target. All I wanted was the little cardboard ones with molded chocolate behind the doors. Bonus points if the chocolate is actually quality chocolate.

I did order a couple from Barnes and Noble that were not in stock around here but were also uncertain in the description (all it did was describe the picture, which duh, I can see the picture people) as to the inclusion of chocolate. So I took a chance and ordered two (why two? I don't know other than free shipping?) and they will be here on Friday or Saturday, which is only a few days late. If those do not have chocolate, I'll just let Carter open the door and then choose a chocolate from the candy bowl. If they do have chocolate, then I'll eat all of the previous days and let him start on the current day. Next year, I will either order one online early or I'll invest in a wooden one. Or if the ones I ordered don't have chocolate this year, I can simply save those and reuse them next year.

I was explaining all of this to Nick last night while we were on the way to see Boondock Saints. He found my frustration highly amusing given the obvious religious undertones to an advent calendar. I explained to him that I simply wanted Carter to have the tradition as I did and noted secular advent calendars abound. He then reasoned an advent calendar was still counting down to Christmas, which, you know, is the celebration of what? He was teasing me. He knows I know and it's funny because if you had asked me when we got married what I thought was one issue that could serve as a wedge between us, I would have said without hesitation religion. But now? I don't know, maybe we've each just softened our stances over the years and become more tolerant, but it is surprises me how much of a non-issue it is for us. Continuing on our conversation with advent calendars. I then said of course it is the birth of Jesus. I went to church when I was younger and did Sunday school and church camps in the summer. I tried to read the Bible once in fourth grade and I was even in a Christmas play once, though I seem to remember singing Good King Wenceslas and O Tannenbaum, which aren't the most religious of Christmas carols. But there is still Santa and it isn't as though we aren't going to celebrate Christmas simply because I don't believe it.

I liken it to ham. The ham typically served at Christmas or Easter...that large slab of ham. I don't like that kind of ham. I generally don't like pork but I will eat a deli ham sandwich, Canadian Bacon on pizza, or Dad's pork chops on vacation. That's pretty much it other than bacon, but only while pregnant. But a lot of people do like that kind of ham. So even though ham is being served at family events, it doesn't mean I'm going to run away, screaming about the presence! of ham! It's fine that people like ham but it's also fine if people don't like ham (14% of us do not).

Here's what I do think: when it comes to religion, there is no right or wrong. How can there be when there are so many? More of belief in this, that, or the other, or belief in nothing at all. I happen to fall in the nothing at all category. But it doesn't mean I think people who do are somehow wrong or naive or anything like that. Actually, quite the opposite. I am impressed by those who really, truly believe. I don't mind listening to and considering other points of view. It either makes me think or it confirms what I already believe. The only time I really get pissy about religion is when it's used as a tool to deny individual rights, oppress a certain group, or wage war against those of conflicting beliefs. Or when people simply cannot accept that not believing in God does not make one a bad person.

There are a lot of nots in that sentence so I'll give an example. A week or so ago on Twitter, someone RT'd something along the lines of "which is worse: an abolitionist atheist or a creationist who owns slaves?" Perhaps I took it the wrong way, but it took me about point two seconds to select UNFOLLOW because in my mind that person was saying atheists are pretty much on the same level as someone who owns slaves and it would be difficult to decide who is worse. Oh I don't know, someone who holds someone against his or her will or someone who doesn't believe what you believe. Which seriously? Seriously? How is that even a question? I told Nick that story when I got home and he asked why I didn't respond on Twitter. Part of it is for a very long time I have been afraid to voice my opinion on religion because it is so divisive and like I said, I don't run around screaming about the presence of ham. It is often easier to just stay quiet. I wouldn't automatically unfollow anyone who disagrees with me on any particular issue (religion or otherwise) because, as I said before, I like hearing other opinions and the following list would end up very, very small. But the other reason I didn't respond is: you can't argue with CRAZY. It's pointless and it would have just made me more angry.

So in summary, I need to think ahead about advent calendars evidently. And I hope by being completely honest here, I have not made anyone feel uncomfortable or been divisive about this topic because that was not my intent. I don't think anything less of anyone for what they believe and I hope the same is true in return. I really think it is, which is why I can hit publish on this one with relative ease.

stupidity tax

Natalie and I were talking on the phone last night. I had called her to see if she had decided what she wanted for pictures. She had not and declared it was fine because she pays the stupidity tax a lot and, in this case, it was only $6 for shipping. I made fun of her a little bit because she really does do things like that a lot. Late fees, forgotten coupons, etc. So it should be no surprise that this morning I realized I forgot to order a gift last night. I am now paying a $20 stupidity tax for simply not ordering it while it was on sale.

*****

Favorite thing of mine that would be a great gift for a classical music aficionado: Yo-Yo Ma Bach Cello Suites http://bit.ly/7RwKLN. Seriously the best classical music purchase I've made ever. Ever. I listen to it while writing, working, running, umm, anytime. It's perfect.

*****

I have an update for Carter in the works but I really don't have any pictures taken within the last month. The lack of evening daylight really kills the picture taking and weekends are always so busy. That and I am waiting until his appointment on Thursday for the official weigh in. I think this 18 month letter will mark my last official monthly letter. Naturally there will continue to be updates on him here under his label but they have run their course. I will do a letter to him on his birthday and half-birthday because I do like them. So anyway...Thursday, 18 month update, last one until 24 months also known as 2 years. Now I will excuse myself because thinking about him being 2 soon enough makes me dizzy.

watch me

On Friday we purchased a new TV and it is awesome. We held out on getting an LCD for a long time and I think we waited until just the right time. The box was awesome as well. This video is a little long at 1:14 but it is almost entirely composed of toddler laughing so it should brighten even the toughest Monday.

bounce from une petite on Vimeo.

When Chantel was little, she used to do this annoying endearing thing, well, besides insisting her feet be on each Natalie and myself for the entire trip to the lake. She would insist on listening to Fishing in the Dark over and over and over again. There was a tape with it repeated on there at least four times and at the end we would have to quick rewind it. I mean, I like the song too, but on repeat for seven hours? That's enough to make anyone tired.

A few months ago, Nick and I were listening to The Blueprint 3. The song A Star is Born features a refrain that includes "clap for 'em" which Carter quickly picked up on. Oh cute, we thought, look at him clapping when the song says that! But now, in the car, all we hear is "for 'em, for 'em, for 'em" until we start that song. I'm debating burning a CD of it back to back for as many times as the CD can hold. Here is one of the first few times he heard this song. Back when it was cute.

clap for 'em from une petite on Vimeo.

history (abbr)

Today is Nick's 29th birthday. Happy Birthday honey! Instead of gushing about how great he is (he is), I'm going to relay our history. I don't think I've ever written it all down...it's all in my head, which makes me sound a little crazy. And someday maybe Carter would enjoy reading it. And someday maybe I would enjoy reading it, as the clarity and sharpness fade into the cobwebs of my mind. It's probably going to be quite lengthy.

That was the first paragraph of the post I was going to post. It was quite lengthy. The full version will stay in draft and I will spare the details for now. Mostly because, I don't know if I have it correct and I would want Nick to read over it before it would ever be published. After all, it is his history too. However, I will offer this synopsis.

Nick and I met in grade school, started dating when we were fifteen, and dated off and on throughout high school. As I was writing the full history, I remembered a story from a time when we weren't together, at the start of senior year of high school. We had broken up several months before and I found a favorite sweatshirt of his in my closet. I decided I must return it to him since we were not together and I did not think we ever would be together. At that point, we had not talked more than once since we had broken up and then it was only me yelling at him. So I put the sweatshirt in his locker one day with a note saying something like "Sorry, I didn't realize I still had this. If there is anything else you think I might have of yours, let me know, and I can look for it." The next day, I opened my locker to find a note from him saying "I think you still have my Rolex." The ice was broken. He's such a smart ass; that still makes me laugh. We started talking again and anytime we were on good terms, we always ended up together. We were that couple. Nick and I could never just be friends for some reason.

We married when we were 22 (nearly 23) and had Carter when we were 27. In another year, we will have been together for over half of our lives. It would be easy for me to say oh, look we are meant to be together, aren't we? But I can't. Because I don't believe that. It is a choice. It always has been. It continues to be. I asked Nick once, long ago, "Do you want to be together?" and he immediately turned the question on me and said "Well, what do you want?" I responded "Of course I want us to be together. I've always wanted us to be together. But I don't want us to be together if that's not what you want too." He responded "It's what I want too." As for the rest? It's history.

words

I have this other post nearly ready, except it requires pictures and it is raining here today so it will have to wait. It's nothing exciting...simply helping me pick out a color scheme for the exterior of the house, which will be painted soon. In lieu of that post, there is this one.

I've been quiet about NaNoWriMo for the last week or so. And for good reason. I have not written anything. Anything. Even after I posted this, I did not write anything. Now I'm faced with a daunting 4,410 word count requirement per day to meet the deadline. I'll pause while you laugh at that one.
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Still waiting.
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All right it is not that funny. Well it sort of is because I was able to spend a significant amount of time one day writing and I maxed out around the 3,000 mark. Even if I don't write another single word, at least I still wrote 23,539 words. That I did not have before. It definitely counts as progress. I have not read those words yet but I am guessing at least half of them would never make the final novel. Still, even half of that is more than I had to begin with. And more than I ever would have written without the vague pressure of a not quite real deadline. It also taught me to stop effing editing because editing a paragraph after you've written it will get you nowhere. And also reading what you've written after a whole page of writing it will have you tearing up (first attempt was on paper in college) or deleting (second attempt was a few years ago on a computer) that progress because you'll think it is crap, which is what has happened the last two times I tried to start writing this book. Regardless of whatever my final NaNoWriMo word count is, I will be forever grateful to Kelli for challenging me to it in the first place.

And yet. Last night I had this dream and it wasn't really related to the book. But then after I woke up, I found myself with at least one, if not two, new characters and an interesting secondary plot I had not considered before. Now that I have this new Idea in mind, I'm really ready to start writing again. Why could I not have had this dream last week? When I still had a fighting chance of finishing on time? Who knows. But I am ready to start writing again and hey, you never know.

P.S. Another word I always spell wrong, which is dangerous because spell check is crap for it is quiet. I always spell it as quite the first time. Future editors beware.

the hard way

Yesterday found us in a flurry of activity. We went to Target, finished raking leaves, went to Costco. The dog got a bath and her and I ran 3 miles. And then I vacuumed the basement. Because I had not done enough yet. At Target I selected a tree skirt because we do not have one and I saw one that looked like it might match our stockings. So last night I retrieved the bin from the basement housing said stockings in order to determine if the tree skirt will be kept. In the process, I decided what the hell, it is nearly Thanksgiving, I'll jut put the stockings up. Nick was all what the hell is wrong with you? Both because I was putting up stockings before Thanksgiving and also because the height of our mantle + stockings = reachable by Carter. Since Carter does not have an ounce of self-preservation instinct in him, he would certainly be pulling the large O in NOEL onto his head with a dull thud. I was sort of disappointed that I won't be able to hang stockings for oh the next 5 - 10 years after C and someday maybe LB2 get old enough to have such self-preservation or until we move. Your guess is as good as mine as to which of those events would happen first.

Witness said lack of self-preservation: he fell out of his high chair this morning. He was sitting there happily eating his muffin. I turned around for two seconds (isn't that always what parents say) and five steps to let the dog in from outside when I heard him screaming and turned around to see him flat on his belly on the floor in front of his high chair. Luckily for him and well, me, it appeared there was nothing wrong with him. I checked him for a bloody nose, cut mouth, bump on the head. I even made him undress several minutes later to check him over for any other bruising or sign of the trauma. Nothing. I am certainly happy toddlers appear to be composed of gummy bear because OMFG he fell three feet onto a hardwood floor. It could have been worse and I am happy it was not.

I can practically see the wheels turning in some of your heads while I am writing this with the obvious question of: why don't you strap him in? Two reasons. One, he is Houdini and can wrangle out of the lap straps. Two, the shoulder straps that seem to be designed for a fighter pilot would probably work to keep him in but would probably also prevent him from being able to actually eat. Design flaw, Chicco. Anyway, strapping him in has not worked so hopefully this fall instilled in him the importance of not acting like a fucking trapeze artist.

Where am I? Gah, this post is one stream of consciousness ball of confusion. Oh yes, the tree skirt. Solicitation of opinions is needed to solve this dilemma. The tree skirt from Target was $30. It is close enough for government work but not quite right. Like this one only ivory. It has scalloped edges *cringe* and is a shade or so lighter than the stockings. The issue is. The real issue is the matching one from Pottery Barn is $130. Gulp. Which you know, $100 MORE. Nick, naturally, being male and all, thinks the Target one is fine. Therefore, I need assistance in solving this problem. Poll to the left. Please vote to help me decide. Note there will not be an option D. You are crazy. If you'd like to say that, feel free to comment.

*****

Completely unrelated to the above, well other than the fact it occurred yesterday, is this:

Nick and I had finished up the leaves and I stayed outside to sweep the walk. I blame Mom for that as I can distinctly remember her making me sweep the sidewalk after the mowing was finished. And yet I get on Nick all the time for not remembering to wipe off the counters when he does the dishes so I suppose I should thank her. I guess? Thanks Mom for making me a perfectionist when it comes to sidewalks and dishes.

Wow. It must be my thing to be off-track this morning because that was really not the point. The point was Nick went inside while I finished sweeping and when I was done, he met me at the door.

Nick whispers "Take off your pants." I pause and look at him quizzically. Nick continues "Because if you don't, you'll track in stuff. See" he says pointing to a stray piece of leaf on the floor "I didn't realize until I was to the living room. Look at the bottom of your pants, there's stuff all over them." If you are not rolling on the floor with laughter right now, well, I can't help you.

confession

I haven't written for NaNoWriMo for the last two days. Eeek! I need to get back to it but I'm kind of at a turning point with the book and I don't really know exactly where I'm going. I don't even want to see how far my word count requirement has tanked. And what am I doing right now? Writing this and not that. All right, I feel better coming clean about my slacking. Now I'm going go write.